This is originally written in Cebuano by Cora Almerino. I'm gonna write the Cebuano version first, and the English translation will follow.
Uhhh, I guess you're wondering why I'm posting this. Taaahaha. Well, I just think it's a nice literary work to share to everyone! It's funny and mad, and feminist. xD The first time I heard this being read aloud in a gathering of poets from my school one night, I instantly thought that I should post it here.
.Unsaon Paggisa Sa Bana Nga Manghulga Sa Asawang Dili Kahibalong Moluto
1) Inita ang mantika sa kaha.
2) Gisaha ang sibuyas bombay ug ahos.
3) Ilunod ang iyang kumo nga iya kunong isumbag sa imong nawong.
4) Isunod ang iyang mga tiil nga iyang ipatid nimo.
5) Isagol'g apil ang ubang bahin sa iyang lawas.
7) Tuslok-tusloka sa tinidor. Mas maayo kon kutsilyo.
8) Timplahi dayo'g pamalikas ug maldisyon.
11) Kan-a. Kon wa'y lami, ilawog sa iro.
-- hahahahaha otoy kay sa?
How To Sauté A Husband Who Threatens A Wife That Couldn't Cook
1) Heat oil in a frying pan.
2) Sauté onions and garlic.
3) Mix in the fists that he says he'll punch you in the face with.
4) Add his feet that he's gonna kick you with.
5) Also mix in all the other parts of his body.
6) Bring to a boil.
7) Try poking it with a fork, or better yet -- with a knife.
8) Season with swear words and curses.
9) Taste it.
11) Eat it. If it doesn't taste good, feed it to the dogs.
This made my day! xD Cora Almerino is an awesome Visayan writer. Suwayi ra gud siya ug search. Hahahahahahahaha