Sunday, July 29, 2012

A Baby Bat Learns How To Fly


baby bat: A derogatory term for those wannabe Goths who are only familiar with the superficial aspects of the culture. They may do their makeup horribly and only listen to the most popular of the goth bands. They are mostly the younger kids going through a phase and trying to look cool. However people tend to fling this label at anyone they don't like. A lot of people prefer not to use the label because it implies a "more gothic than thou" attitude.


"There are really two main definitions for a baby bat. One definition is someone who is under the age of 30 who is goth the other being someone who is in their beginning stage of goth and is still ignorant to a lot about the subculture. I've said so before that I agree more with the second definition. The first is only valid if all goths get into the subculture before they are 30. This is often the case but not always the case."


Okay, I'm gonna be honest here, and I won't give a damn if some of you are gonna hate me for this..

I became goth because I was lonely.

I didn't have anyone to talk to about my super artistic interests and hobbies, nobody seemed to be interested to listen to my made-up tragic stories, and I felt despised and excluded by anyone anywhere.

Yeah. PUBERTY. Sadly.

When I first heard about the "goth" term, I got curious, so curious that I spent months researching about it and got more and more interested, that's why I continued learning about it for years since then. The only subcultures I used to know were punk, emo, and hip hop. so when I met this "goth" in some website chatbox, I asked him what goth was about, because I had never seen one before. He didn't say much to make me completely understand, so I turned to Wikipedia for this, and (this is funny) when I saw this picture that Wikipedia used for "Goth":

I got so shocked and scared that my reflexes had my finger uncontrollably rolling the scroller of my mouse down. The guy looked so creepy and ghastly to me, but a large part of me wanted to know why exactly he chose to look like that. So I started reading on, and hours later, my browser was filled with around seven tabs of different sites that defined Goth. I searched for pictures, I turned to the dictionary and fought that weird feeling of deja vu, because magically, I felt a sense of peaceful belonging to the subculture, and there seemed to be something familiar in all of it. I didn't know why all this Goth thing was so nostalgic and familiar (perhaps I used to be one in my past life [hahahahaha], I don't know), so I decided to take my first, embarrassing, cute baby bat steps to  becoming an enlightened one. Until now though, I'm still not truly certain if I really AM a goth; all I know is that I tend to be more attracted to post-punk and deathrock music, and I enjoy eerie and strange thoughts.

I was only 12 way back when I met that goth guy in that fateful chatbox. I was 13 when I first bought stupid and wrong goth stuff. I'd really hate it if I'd share to you guys how it all looked, but I guess it'll be better to show you how I was going when I reached the age of 14.


From right to left: 
Miss Lost Empathy/Emily Rose Darck, Kittie Chaos/Kaye Cee Black/Me, 
Violynce Adect/Vandyke Eventide

I had these two friends who had Tim-Burton-like imaginations, and somehow helped me in shaping myself to becoming a better stereotypical goth girl. We were lucky to be in a school near a cemetery, so we hung out in the graveyard a lot, and talked and had fun while we were in the tranquil place. A classmate of ours had died the year before and was buried in that cemetery (may he rest in peace! :( we miss you!), so aside from just spending the time chatting away, we prayed for him and shared our experiences to him in his family's mausoleum. We'd talk for hours in front of his grave, and did a lot of childish, unusual stuff like burning roses while singing operatic notes in minor scales.

We had this weird, friendship diary that we called "The Byble", where we wrote all our protests to the world and our reminders for our next "cemetery time", all in "books", "chapters", and "verses". In school, our hangout spots were the library and the hidden place behind school chapel or just inside the chapel. We loved borrowing the maximum number of books in one time, and talked about our wildest and most ridiculous dreams in the silence. I particularly started reading a lot of Gothic fiction books then. My name ruled the book borrowing slip of Edgar Allan Poe's book.We made straw dolls and built rock empires behind the chapel when we were bored, and prayed inside the chapel every after lunch :3

We also had this crazy headquarters, which was just one block away from Vandyke's place. It was his dad's family's old, abandoned home, and it was somehow haunted, so it was a great idea.

In this house, we've had tea parties, "ghost meals" (we set the old, unused table and IMAGINE we're eating, because there actually wasn't any food), guitar sessions, photoshoots, and naps while the disturbed souls in the house were busy doing their own audible and obvious business. Scary, funny, but TRUE.

"Ghost Meals"

Tea Party!

I was 15 years old when I decided to finally dive in to the music.
Get ready to roll your eyes if you're a goth..
'Cause I listened to Gothic Metal. Ugh.

When I was younger, my kind of music was pop punk and rock.. nothing more. I was like, 7 when I learned to love Simple Plan and New Found Glory tunes, so the easiest and closest step I could ever walk on next was the Gothic Metal and Symphonic Metal genre. Well at least I STRONGLY disagreed to the thought of Greenday, Slipknot, or Korn being goth, 'cause it sounds just extremely WRONG. :D
Okay so.. Epica used to be my favorite band, and Emilie Autumn was my favorite artist. I introduced the genre to my two friends, and they seemed to like it too.

Aside from my little "improvements" in music, my new wardrobe was also growing! I finally knew the right places to shop, and I started to alter my clothes and make accessories.

By the age of 16, I finally switched to what most goths call the "right" music. And guess what? I enjoyed it more than the previous stuff I listened to. Let me just tell you that the gothic rock, deathrock, and post-punk genres suit the traditional goth scene better, more perfectly, and originally.

Here are some of my fave Goth bands:

The Cure ♥
Siouxsie and the Banshees ♥
Emilie Autumn ♥
Faith and The Muse ♥
Alien Sex Fiend
Cinema Strange
Aural Vampire
Love Spirals Downwards
All About Eve
The Late Isabel (is FILIPINO! ♥)

And the list goes a loooong way :3
But here's a FACT:
Goth music is NOT the only kind of music I listen to, okay? Though it is my favorite, I still listen to pop punk, and I can never turn my back on Classical Music because doing so is just so unthinkable and inhumane D:

My fashion became casual and uhh.. friendly, because I have finally become FULLY AWARE of the country's tropical climate and poor subcultural orientation. I now describe my current style as dark casual, or dark girly, or casual lolita, or corporate batty. I've been wishing I'd get a death hawk, but I guess I'll get shot or locked up somewhere if I'd do that in this country. So I guess I'll have to stick to sporting beautiful long hair right now because, besides, it also looks good and elegant. :3

Parents. Mostly every young goth's dilemma. 
The folks would think you suddenly love self-harm, or you got converted to Satanism, or you joined an eerie cult or something. Some parents go as far as threatening their goth kids to make them stop from being goth, others give them an annoying and pointless lecture.

Indeed, I went through all that too. I went through all the regular lectures in their room, the grounded states, the threats, and their weird, stupid solutions.

I blame that effing local TV show we used to watch every night, wherein there were "goth" antagonists in the story. The "goths" in that effing TV show worshiped Satan and did all those evil rituals and mocked Jesus Christ so much. As I watched, I was like, "OMG, WTF! SERIOUSLY?!"

When I started posting my baby bat pictures in Facebook, some of my relatives from Australia who knew nothing about what Goth exactly is, saw my photos then phoned and messaged my mom to stop me from all the things I'm doing because "Goths are criminals and devil-worshipers." Because of this wrong, troublesome intervention, I was made to attend my parents' one-on-one lecture held in their cozy room. As I listened to all their ranting, blackmailing, threatening, and scolding, I was smiling and chuckling because EVERYTHING they're saying was completely WRONG and HILARIOUS. I mean, for crying out loud, since when was an offshoot of punk from the 1980s a religion? I DID try to explain what Goth is, based on Jillian Venters' and Amy Asphodel's beautiful works, but I figured that this kind of parents won't listen or understand anyway, so I rarely spoke.

When they told me to change, I said "YES". 

HAHAHAHAHA. And I went out of the bedroom door with uncontrollable laughter.

Filipinos are known for their devout Catholicism and sad conformity. As a result, my being goth usually became serious family discussions. Scary, yes. All my siblings told me to change.

"Black is evil."
"Skulls are sacred because our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit."
"Cemeteries are meant to be respected."
"Death is taboo."
"Tragic stories should be avoided and not appreciated."
"Minxie, you're so pretty and smart and talented. Why did you ever disrespect yourself by becoming a goth?!"


What is there to "change"? My identity? MY VERY OWN SELF?

They told me to change. I said "YES".

But time went by and I still kept on wearing black and my interests remained the same (the hell I care).
Good news is, time has finally come when my family gets shocked when I wear another color, or when I sing a mainstream song.

Recently though, my mom had this odd idea that she thought explains my being goth. 
I shared to her about the auditory hallucinations I've been experiencing since I was four, the frequent sleep paralyses, and the strange, extreme mood swings. I asked if I need to see a psychiatrist for all the worsening conditions, but instead she said, "I need to bring you to a PRIEST, not a psychiatrist. You're possessed, not mentally-ill! That's exactly why you like dark things and wear black! I'm going to schedule an exorcism for you! We'll pray the rosary every night this week."

Oh crap.

But I was kind of excited and curious to know how exorcism works, though. HAHA.
Good thing she forgot about it the scheduled day when I should get "exorcised".

I got bullied in school, but that's okay. I'm already convinced that dumb, birdbrained, ignorant psychos will NEVER understand what Goth is, so I did nothing about all that sneering and rumor-spreading, though it sure hurts. I just ignored them. Bullying is okay, but mistaking me for an EMO? 
It's just effing, stupid, god damn WRONG! When people call me Emo, I go nuts and extremely pissed. EMO is NEVER GOTH, and GOTH HAS NEVER BEEN THE "ANCESTOR" OF EMO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. FFFFFUUUUU!

But I guess I just have to understand that almost 98% of all the people in this country have never seen a goth before.

My neighbors also had talked to my parents about me, that I should, then again, STOP all this weird nonsense I'm changing into. Tsk, meddling farts. However, after years of being a goth, everyone around seems to have become accustomed to it, and it feels like a great achievement. :)

So how about my love life, you ask? Well.. I sure have dated quite a great number of really good-looking boys though I'm like this. :"> The usual confession?

"You're different from all the other girls around, that's why I love you."

The best thing about not pretending is that people tend to like you even more, because you're true to yourself and honest about every little thing you do.

1) Keep researching and keep learning!
Read online articles and blogs like this (HAHA); watch videos like Gothic Charm School, and DON'T listen to what MEDIA has to say about what goth is.

2) Listen to the "Eldergoths"
If you know of someone goth and wiser, listen to what they have to say though it hurts most of the times. xD

3) Survive the Family Issues
Listen to what they think and don't do something rash or risky. Explain to them nicely, but if they don't understand, then don't force them to, because they soon will, whether they like it or not.

4) Be Yourself
This is the most important. The goths you see in movies are always angry, serious, silent, and creepy, aren't they? But I tend to disagree to this. Everyone is made different and unique. Though we dress the same way and like the same stuff, we all have different characteristics and personalities. Not all goths are the same. I'm talkative and funny at times, I like girly stuff, and I'm sensitive. But I'm still goth. See? If you try to fake yourself and act weird because you're "goth", then everyone, I guess, will hate you. HAHA, sorry.

5) Have fun and don't grow up too fast
We're still kids. Let's enjoy our youth. I'm still a kid myself and I'm making the most out of it, because once we grow old, we'll wish we'd be young again and we'll miss everything. Be a good, batty kid :3

6) Give the subculture a good name! ♥
If you're proud to be goth, then show it. Be nice and approachable, and share your talents and flaunt your assets. This way, people will be convinced that not all goths are like this and that.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Hope I helped.
I lalalove you, Baby Bats! <3


Friday, July 27, 2012

College Vs. High School

Most people seem to say high school is fun, heart-pounding, childish, unforgettable, and the best part during one's life in school. But I tend to disagree.

High school was when my batch mates mocked me or laughed at me as I walk by, when they discussed for one whole period about the way I dress and that I look silly, when they rejected me and gossiped about my talents, when mostly everyone got seriously and angrily jealous over my ability to speak in different, fluent English accents, when some upperclassmen walked up to me just to insult me in the face, when teachers were made to believe by my haters that I'm just not reliable, and when I got depressed by all these that I just locked myself up in the school's chapel and cried all I want in front of Jesus. :|

My high school life was filled with traitors, haters, bullies, rumors, and effing crap. I was drowned in tears of frustration and anger because of  my strict parents who always expected me to top the class when all I could ever achieve was third place. I was super nice and innocent, but everyone during that time seemed to enjoy abusing me.

Indeed, high school was the WORST stage in my adolescence. It was something I couldn't wait to escape from, because it always seemed to me that I was being constricted to die a gruesome and merciless death, and the whole process was a gradual and consistent torture to the self.

It was only during the last months of my Senior year when I broke out of my lonely shell and gained a lot of fellow oppressed and supportive friends. However though, I was just so weak that I was never able to get back at my bullies, for the sane reason of avoiding senseless and immature trouble.

I graduated from high school with a mind filled with beautiful and crazy plans of revenge. And the best vengeful plan I ever came up with was..


Graduation, Lolita-inspired :D

I entered college as a new individual. I armed myself with a pretty face, a respectable poise, and an unquestionable wit. College, then, without hesitations, was kind and hospitable to me, though at times challenging and mind-boggling. College maturity, responsibility, and independence was what I had been searching for since then, after all. In college, cheating is never tolerated, and lessons were reported by the students themselves, which is good. :) I get to be with different people in every period, not locked up with the same disrespectful farts all year long. I mostly get to meet the kindest strangers everyday who seem to be more interested about why I like black roses and why I hate Twilight.

The best feeling, I guess, that ever occurred to me in college, was that feeling of being set free. I was like a prisoner whose sentence was finally over, and I could do anything I wanna do at last. My previous school was run by NUNS, which means: NO gadgets, NO makeup, NO colored nails or hair, NO bangs/fringes, NO accessories.

I know that sounds too much, but seriously, that was how the students were made to live in that school. And when I got into this university, I was like, WOW, I can do whatever I want.

That's me and my close, cuddly gay friend! ♥

Here's a cute table of comparison between High School and College from Candy Mag.
(Yes, Candy is a girly magazine, and I'm girly, so what?)

And a few more fun reads I found.

I'm pretty much convinced that how you rate high school and college depends on the school you got in, and the kind of people in it. As for me, well.. that was how it went, and I couldn't change anything although how much the memories haunt me everytime I get reminded of them. Right now, I'll just have to keep going along the sparkly new and daring routes as I journey through another amusingly twisted adventure. ♥ 

Friday, July 20, 2012

Anyone Else Out There?

Beams of sunlight make its way through the window screens, and land on my face. The familiar, classical melody of my phone seeps in and unites with my dream: I was falling down a rabbit hole, and the fall was quite long. Down the hollow, I screamed as a huge grand piano fell down with me and almost crashed against my head. I saw lovely dolls with hideously stitched faces smile as they fell down with me too. There were several pieces of furniture falling down, there were tea sets, random objects, some were even things I have never seen before. This fall is so strange; gravity doesn't seem to be that strong, the downward pull was weak, because my dress's skirt and fringe bloomed like an umbrella, making me feel like I was some sort of parachute. The feeling is funny, scary and weird at the same time. As I looked down to see where this fall was heading, I finally saw the floor, it was checker-tiled, around 10 feet away from me. As I moved down closer, slowly, I looked up to see the objects that fell down with me, but to my surprise, they were gone, and I was left, falling alone. Seven feet later, an abrupt force sucked me down to the floor, and I landed with a big thud.

The sudden landing opened my eyes. I blinked for a few times, and had my vision clearer. I saw the usual room. The familiar surroundings. The closets, the beds, pieces of clothing scattered on the tables.

Though the few, last moments of slumber took place one minute ago, I seemed to immediately miss it. The weirdness of the dream was like no other. It was all so completely exciting and new, and I only get to feel it when I close my eyes and drift away from the boring world.

Hey, I guess I was kind of bored and there was this random impulse to type in some Alice-like crap to my first post, so yeah. But hey, seriously, the world indeed IS boring. Well, for ME, that is, and maybe not the whole world exactly. Maybe it's just the place I've lived in that is. And perhaps, I'm not the only one who feels like this.

And other than feeling bored, I've also been feeling what I truly hate feeling. 


I apologize if this may sound a little bit cliche, but here goes.

I don't get to see people like me anywhere I look, everywhere I go. Nobody understands what deathrock or steampunk is, mostly everyone here doesn't know who the hell Peter Murphy is, or just how awesome Robert Smith is. Everyone here is tan, and brunette or dark-haired. Mostly everyone thinks ripped tights are such a sight. Among all the people I know, I guess my sister is the only person in my life who knows what a corset is, and that's because I showed her how it looks like.

But then again, MOSTLY everyone. Maybe some of the people reading this shares the same interests, and lives in the same city, and will be so kind enough to tell me that they do.

Although this feeling of isolation has been going on for three or so years, I have learned to happily cope with it. Although none of my close friends wear bat pendant necklaces, I've been doing fine so far. However, that feeling of longing and loneliness will never cease no matter how much I try to suppress them.

I LOVE MY COUNTRY SO MUCH, the people here are filled with humor and religiosity, but what bothers me is its geography. It's an archipelago, and the "nearest" goth club is one ship ride away. The people's superstitious and religious beliefs also get in the way at times. Some have concluded that I'm some kind of Satanist, and my mom even told me I need to get exorcised, which is just plainly crazy.

Oh well, things like these have been going on regularly, they've become pretty normal to me, and I guess I just have to live with it. What's important is that most of the people I come across with everyday have learned to accept the unique creature that I am, although they have not fully grasped nor truly understand what specie I belong to.

This blog will be about how things go on for the life of an isolated goth who's currently a college student, who shops by herself, celebrates Goth Day with only one person, goes through the same old heartbreaks that everyone goes through, and who tries to give the subculture a good name by showing everyone what she's made of.

But please, though I'm pretty good at ignoring the curious and annoying remarks of my countrymen, I still wanna know anyway.

Anyone else out there?

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...