Friday, July 20, 2012

Anyone Else Out There?

Beams of sunlight make its way through the window screens, and land on my face. The familiar, classical melody of my phone seeps in and unites with my dream: I was falling down a rabbit hole, and the fall was quite long. Down the hollow, I screamed as a huge grand piano fell down with me and almost crashed against my head. I saw lovely dolls with hideously stitched faces smile as they fell down with me too. There were several pieces of furniture falling down, there were tea sets, random objects, some were even things I have never seen before. This fall is so strange; gravity doesn't seem to be that strong, the downward pull was weak, because my dress's skirt and fringe bloomed like an umbrella, making me feel like I was some sort of parachute. The feeling is funny, scary and weird at the same time. As I looked down to see where this fall was heading, I finally saw the floor, it was checker-tiled, around 10 feet away from me. As I moved down closer, slowly, I looked up to see the objects that fell down with me, but to my surprise, they were gone, and I was left, falling alone. Seven feet later, an abrupt force sucked me down to the floor, and I landed with a big thud.

The sudden landing opened my eyes. I blinked for a few times, and had my vision clearer. I saw the usual room. The familiar surroundings. The closets, the beds, pieces of clothing scattered on the tables.

Though the few, last moments of slumber took place one minute ago, I seemed to immediately miss it. The weirdness of the dream was like no other. It was all so completely exciting and new, and I only get to feel it when I close my eyes and drift away from the boring world.


Hey, I guess I was kind of bored and there was this random impulse to type in some Alice-like crap to my first post, so yeah. But hey, seriously, the world indeed IS boring. Well, for ME, that is, and maybe not the whole world exactly. Maybe it's just the place I've lived in that is. And perhaps, I'm not the only one who feels like this.

And other than feeling bored, I've also been feeling what I truly hate feeling. 

ISOLATED.

I apologize if this may sound a little bit cliche, but here goes.

I don't get to see people like me anywhere I look, everywhere I go. Nobody understands what deathrock or steampunk is, mostly everyone here doesn't know who the hell Peter Murphy is, or just how awesome Robert Smith is. Everyone here is tan, and brunette or dark-haired. Mostly everyone thinks ripped tights are such a sight. Among all the people I know, I guess my sister is the only person in my life who knows what a corset is, and that's because I showed her how it looks like.

But then again, MOSTLY everyone. Maybe some of the people reading this shares the same interests, and lives in the same city, and will be so kind enough to tell me that they do.

Although this feeling of isolation has been going on for three or so years, I have learned to happily cope with it. Although none of my close friends wear bat pendant necklaces, I've been doing fine so far. However, that feeling of longing and loneliness will never cease no matter how much I try to suppress them.

I LOVE MY COUNTRY SO MUCH, the people here are filled with humor and religiosity, but what bothers me is its geography. It's an archipelago, and the "nearest" goth club is one ship ride away. The people's superstitious and religious beliefs also get in the way at times. Some have concluded that I'm some kind of Satanist, and my mom even told me I need to get exorcised, which is just plainly crazy.

Oh well, things like these have been going on regularly, they've become pretty normal to me, and I guess I just have to live with it. What's important is that most of the people I come across with everyday have learned to accept the unique creature that I am, although they have not fully grasped nor truly understand what specie I belong to.

This blog will be about how things go on for the life of an isolated goth who's currently a college student, who shops by herself, celebrates Goth Day with only one person, goes through the same old heartbreaks that everyone goes through, and who tries to give the subculture a good name by showing everyone what she's made of.

But please, though I'm pretty good at ignoring the curious and annoying remarks of my countrymen, I still wanna know anyway.

Anyone else out there?







6 comments:

  1. Hi, Minxie.. Nice posts. greetings from indonesia...

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    1. Awww, thank you darkling! :3
      Valentines greetings to you Indonesian darlings from the Philippines! :D

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    2. you're welcome. it's very rare to actually "find" a goth that live in south east asia... most of them are just "oh.. I'm so goff, I wear black"-thing here in my country.. :)

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    3. yeah! i know right. most of them are like, "I'm so gawff I listen to slipknot". xD

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  2. Hello there :-) greetings from Indonesia too and i thank Yhudiz Dracoz for this. Nice to meet you, Minxie :-)

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    Replies
    1. Awwww! Hi! Thanks for visiting my blog! :3 ♥

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