Thursday, November 29, 2012

Interesting Blogs I Just Spotted!

Yes, yes, I've recently followed dozens of blogs this month, all of which were inspiring, creative, Gothy, and just plain awesome.

Since I've already posted the links of some of my faves in my previous posts, I'm gonna introduce you a few ones I haven't mentioned yet. :3

all things Halloween, all year round.

a personal blog by a lovely Goth girl.

Halloween-and-witchcraft-inspired creativity.

all things Gothy from a Goth girl.

a gorgeous modern vampire-like girl.

she speaks another language, but I could always view her pictures xD

gothic lolita fashion, lifestyle, and dark romanticism goodness.

good books given good reviews.

morbidly beautiful creations + really good BG music

Have I sparked thy interests? :3
Go ahead and check them out! ^w^

How This Blog & I Are Doing

Hiya bats and cats.

This month, I think you've all noticed that I haven't posted as much as I did last October... Well, for that, I'm terribly sorry. So as I did last month, I'm gonna give you guys excuses, but this time to explain my inclemency. Actually I got only two reasons why.

ONE -- I'm sad.

HAHA I was 15 :3
 I've been spacing out quite a lot, and I almost don't eat, sleep, or take a bath during weekends. Yeah, I'm starting to get disgusting, but I promise this won't last long.

TWO -- I got classes and plenty of schoolwork to do.

I've been in school all this time, all right. (ooooooo look at my jet black hair xD)
 My mind currently contains all of my future posts and post ideas.
When I get home, I still have the day's pile of research to work on. Nowadays, I usually retire to my coffin by 11PM or 12, 1, or 2AM, and I still need time to handle the regular auditory hallucinations, which means I could only successfully fall asleep almost an hour after I lie down. Uhhh, to make it short, I kind of find it hard to squeeze in writing drafts these days. :/ Last month, I was able to post a lot mainly because of the SEMESTRAL BREAK.


So yeah. But aside from that though, I won't forget about THANKING EVERYONE FOR VIEWING AND READING MY BLOG! (HURRAY! :D) Kudos for 1, 000++ views! And cheers to my new followers in my "Army of the Undead". ^w^ ♥

Thank you kittens, soooo so much.

By the way FEEL FREE TO COMMENT ANYTIME ON A POST! I've changed the comments settings for everyone -- whether you have an account here or not -- to give their comments if they feel like it.

Keep reading, and DO FOLLOW my blog if you've been visiting it again and again. x'D

For the last time, THANK YOU :3
You actually helped me trample down this annoying depression thingy.


Currently listening to an All About Eve song ♥ :'3

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Beating The Blues

One thing I'm quite sure of: I've been constantly battling off sadness since I was eight.

I had already attempted to run away then, and that was even before I experienced puberty. I developed inferiority complex months later. I had attempted suicide when I was ten, planned to take drugs when I was twelve, became apathetic and masochistic when I was fourteen.

But when I turned sixteen, I realized I was meant to do great things, so I decided to stop giving in to or LOVING (since I used to be a masochist) depression to turn the tables. I started making my oppressors my inspiration and motivation for success.

Everyone sure goes through a lot of unwanted frequent tragedies, so I thought it would be generous of me to share to you guys how this Goth beats them off.

ONE - Write.


Poetry is my usual reflexive response when I feel extremely melancholic. I write lyrics, attempt odes and elegies, plan to try dirges, and plan out novels. Hmmm, planning out novels is actually a good idea. It's nice to turn yourself into a peasant, a princess, a son/daughter of a high class family, a scientist, a vampire, or a benevolent witch. Make an imaginary world out of your life and your pen. In some of my poems, I have already turned myself into a doll, a murderer, a ghost, and a lot more random things.

Good quote to remember from His Highness Edgar Allan Poe:
Works with obvious meanings cease to be art.

Okay, maybe it's not that agreeable to some, but for me, it makes a lot of sense and improvement. Poetry as I see it is deep and magical. I think one can express emotions (if this is your purpose) better if you contrast or liken them to the gloomy clouds, dried-up flowers, desolate streets, or violent thunders. It's "poetic" when it's more on that reading-between-the-lines concept, the figurative language, the better-understood-when-read-twice phenomenon -- WAIT, I'm starting to rant too much about this. Haha, I guess I should make a separate post about this then! xD
So to cut this short... If you're not into writing, well, read on.

TWO - Read.

This is related to writing :p
Similarly, reading takes you to fictional worlds. It brings you somewhere; it's a cheat sheet: you learn from a fictional character's experiences and shortcomings. It's learning from experiences that aren't  even your own, thus you won't get hurt in the process xD Reading makes you a better person. Aside from that, reading is a wise choice of escaping; it is a safe vice.

Try reading GOTHIC FICTION! I'm sooooo in love with this genre. Despite the gloomy and morbid atmosphere that surrounds the characters and the story itself, it still brings pleasure, excitement, and joy. I don't know why either, but though I'm already depressed, reading depressing stories strangely makes me LESS depressed. O.o

Also try dark humor, satire, horror, or psychological genres. They are bound to change your way of thinking and viewing of the world. xD

THREE - Paint/draw it.

I used to paint my feelings or draw macabre scenes to release my sadness. Thinking of painting as an escape makes you understand the existence and beauty of abstract art. :3

Umm, right now though, I kinda took a break from painting since I became more focused on music and writing. But I DO miss it, and I would LOVE to indulge myself in it again soon.

But then again, if you can't paint or draw, read on.

FOUR - Make silly Voodoo dolls.

I've made A LOT of "voodoo" dolls (but I don't voodoo, OY!) and I PRETEND to voodoo people who offended me. I guess this is more about anger than sadness then. xD But making cute things like these DO make you busy, so it kind of displaces the bad emotions for a while. I'll post tutorials soon, I PROMISE!

FIVE - Fill your head with good stuff.

The internet is a big home to all your interests! Search pictures, read good articles, watch movies, get inspired, and indulge in a hobby to avoid slacking off and thinking about stinky stuff that ends your life.

SIX - Hang out with your friends.

 ... definitely the best and most effective way. Consider this: I leave home a depressed girl, but I go back home happy. That's how lovely my friends are. When I'm with them, I tend to laugh out a lot and do things I can't do at home. They're the silliest in the world.

And one thing that makes me absolutely love them: they ACCEPT me and APPRECIATE me. So yes, you totally have to go out with your buddies when you're feeling bad. They'll make you puke out that depression and make you go high with irreplaceable happiness.
Advice: The more, the merrier.

SEVEN - Cry it out to someone.

Find someone you trust and let it all out. Yeah, it's no use bottling it up. Why you shouldn't do this by yourself? Well, because you're prone to strange, deadly ideas when there's no one around.

EIGHT - Watch comedies!

 No better therapy! Laugh like there's no tomorrow and see the difference by then. :'D

NINE - Music music music

Be surprised by the magic of artists singing about how you EXACTLY think and feel. Emilie Autumn is good at this. O.o'♥

TEN - Go out, meet the SUN. (X_X)

In his book "The Depression Cure: The 6-Step Program To Beat Depression Without Drugs", author Stephen Ilardi says, "A deeper link exists between light exposure and depression–one involving the body’s internal clock. The brain gauges the amount of light you get each day, and it uses that information to reset your body clock. Without light exposure, the body clock eventually gets out of sync, and when that happens, it throws off important circadian rhythms that regulate energy, sleep, appetite, and hormone levels. The disruption of these important biological rhythms can, in turn, trigger clinical depression."

So yeah. For once in your life, befriend the sun again :'3

ELEVEN - Play.

Yes. Play a game in the PC, in your backyard, or with your pet!

LASTLY - Pray.

No one understands you better than the Writer of your life story.

- - - - - -- -  -- - - -  - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- - - -- - - - -

Sighs. Just to let you know dears, I'm depressed as of the moment, which is why I wrote this. I guess I'm just good at being the one GIVING advices.

- - - - - -- -  -- - - -  - -- - - - - - - - - - - -- - - -- - - - -

image sources:

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Pastel goth?

As time continues to age anything it passes by, bright new things that aren't so acceptable at first suddenly pop up along the way.

I'm not new to all this pastel thingy, in fact I remember I first noticed this way back last year, and I've already followed and liked some Pastel goth blogs and pages. It's just that my sister became too interested and addicted to anything related to it (it all began when I introduced it to her), that I decided to actually write a post about this.

Pastel goth only grew out from Goth fashion, and it isn't even grounded or connected with the music. But nevertheless, they still do have a bit of Goth influences in the way they appear: the prints, the makeup, the boots... just that they're too bright (and they're never even "Goth" at all). Yes, there already has been a colorful offshoot of Goth before them, which is the neon-clad Cybergoths (now slowly being accepted and loved by many in the subculture since it has already existed for more than a decade); and there also had been another new yet controversial fashion style that incorporates grunge, hipster, and Goth which is the Nu Goth; but Pastel goth here combines "kawaii" and "kowaii" (Japanese for cute and scary/creepy) in fashion, which is a new thing altogether. Pastel goth is different from Gothic Lolita in that the former is totally casual, and even more colorful.

Cybergoth [source]
Nu Goth [source]
Gothic Lolita [source]
Pastel goth contrasts pale, feminine shades with dark colors in their outfit. [source]

HOWEVER, despite the term "goth" being tagged in "Pastel goth", I think it has become quite noticeable that most of those who wear such fashion don't really consider themselves as Goths at all (and much more evidently, Goths wouldn't also want to call these 'cute', dolled-up humans as Goths mainly or probably because they don't listen to anything considered as Goth music).

But, additionally, as a Goth, I say there seems to be absolutely nothing wrong with new, Goth-influenced fashion trends, and correcting or hating them would be so pointless since it's pretty obvious that they all are entirely different when it comes to genre, music, and preferences... though it frustrates me since new styles like these kind of confuse the little Goths about if you can be Goth without the music since most of the time, the non-Goths are the ones who wear them.

Pastelbat! I like her [source]

Pastel goth, as I have researched, started from Tumblr in 2010, '11, or '12.
Their look is characterized by pastel-colored or bleached hair; outfits could be comprised of either mainstream-looking pieces that could be printed with upside-down crosses, bats, and/or undesirable quotes, OR Japanese street fashion-inspired clothing; makeup could still look Goth-like, but at times it could also be pastel-themed or anime-ish...

Able to picture it out yet?

Personally, I adore the way it looks sometimes, and one reason is that it gives me everyday outfit ideas. I'm not interested in bleached hair, "cute" wigs, or pastel-colored stuff sticking to my body for a day, but I DO undeniably love how the usual pastel goth outfits look all casual and easy, not to mention somehow less head-turning. I WOULD love to wear Pastel goth clothes with the usual dark hair I have.


Sunday, November 18, 2012

The Usual First Impressions Goths Get


Ima write this post because I have finally befriended the people who used to think I'm a weirdo the first time they saw me. ^w^

These days, they were like:
"Minxie, I never expected us to become good friends. I always disliked you for your clothes, and you looked snobbish most of the time..  I mean, you're always clad in black and you got that totally long hair. You WERE so weird. I'm sorry for judging you! You're really nice and friendly after all."


"Minxie, we always whispered among ourselves whenever you come by, we go like, 'here's that black chic again'. You got that aura of mystery about you because you seemed quiet, snobbish and girly. Well, I guess you're as crazy and insane as we are right now, not to mention too kind!"


Here are some of the comments I receive whenever I appear in new environments (ranked from most to least) and how I react as I think about it after they tell me so later on:

1) WEIRD/weirdo/strange/odd
- the usual

2) CosPlayer/Anime-freak

3) Emo/depressed/wrist-cutter
- the most annoying, irritating, and unacceptable. usually from ignorant people

4) Satanist/Anti-Christ/Illuminati/Cultist/Occult/Wiccan
- LOOOOL. funny and offensive.

5) Attention-catching/attention-seeking
- secretly offensive  -_-

6) Rebel
- IDK how to react! xD
7) "Punk girl"/Rocker
- sounds a bit nice.

8) "chicks" -- a Filipino slang referring to a pretty girl
- highly unacceptable! -_- idk, it's kinda disrespectful to me.

9) Fashion criminal
- i like how it sounds, but when I try to think more about it, I pity the people who said so. It just means they absolutely know NOTHING about fashion :p

10) Annoying
- k fine. haha

11) Someone from The Addams Family/Wednesday Addams
- sounds like an interesting compliment, though I'm aware it's supposed to be an insult.

HAHAHAHA, yes, they might make me laugh at times because they sound amusing and laughable, but deep inside, I know I'm undeniably offended. Well, albeit it hurts a bit, I couldn't help but just understand why they thought of me that way.

So yeah, I know most of us are gonna get judged wherever we go for our unusual tastes, however don't take them really seriously, because YOU, dear, are gonna change the way they think of you. I mean, you HAVE to. You MUST. Would you just allow them to call you:

the antagonist
a geek
the misunderstood one
an Emo
a loner
the Halloween girl/guy
a Sith
a slut in disguise
a zombie
a misfit
a street rat
a Satanist
a retard
a witch
a freak
a cultist
a Wiccan

 or even yet...

... a demon? O.o

You wouldn't want that, would you?
EXACTLY why you should do something now to give yourself a good image. Wouldn't it sound so pleasant when someone says,

I have a Goth classmate in school, and I like him 'cause he's so nice/kind/helpful and creative!
There's this Goth in Biology class and she's so amusing!
I'm sorry I thought of you that way. Goths aren't so bad after all.
There was this Goth in dance practice, and boy was she so good.
Our Goth group mate in Psychology did so well in our reporting! He actually saved us!



I'm NOT saying that you should try to win a lot of praises and admiration, nor am I saying that you should give a f*ck about what others think of you. My point is that you should find some ways in order to change the sad way people think not just about YOU but also about Goths in general. Why stick to being told negative stuff when it's totally possible for you to receive positive comments though not immediately? ;3

You can read # 3 in my post "Goths Tend To Get Bullied" for more ideas. :3

Stay positive, everyone! :*

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Goths Tend To Get Bullied

Don't be so sad. THIS IS COMPLETELY NORMAL. You're not alone.

I mean, frankly speaking, who wouldn't bully weird, crazy, or scary-looking people? Remember, when we choose to be courageous in expressing ourselves by being different, we stand out and get a lot of attention. And when we DO get a lot of attention, those who notice us are gonna give a reaction or two whether we like it or not. The IDIOTS among them who require heaps of enlightenment, maturity, and wisdom tend to react undesirable towards us; and these stupid people specifically, are whom we call BULLIES.

Their reasons behind the insults range from jealousy, envy, ego, delusions, to just plain boredom. But whatever pushes these brats to disturb our peace, one thing's for sure, THEY'RE ANNOYING.

In my case, I guess the bullies were just bored and delusional, PLUS over reacting. Most bitches from my school tend to make anything that they think is unusual a big deal or gossip; anything unusual like unusual socks, unusual hairstyles of kindergarten kids, unusual bags, unusual accessories, unusual posture, unusual manner of walking, or unusual voice. They would whisper among themselves, laugh about it, and throw looks at their subject. Sadly, these fools don't see anything bad about what they're doing, because they find enjoyment in their mockery, and achieve higher self-esteem every time they shrink other people down.

Oh, how many times have I been confronted by an upperclassman just to get questioned and insulted for my strangeness? How many times have I heard them make fun of me or talk about me as I walk by? How many times have they "praised" me as they laugh their hearts out because they were actually just being sarcastic? Terrible experiences indeed, caused by terribly deranged simpletons, in the span of around 3 terrible years. I felt miserable everyday, and eternally lonely as I sat with them in the same rooms, knowing that not even one of my batchmates around would willingly defend me. Sitting, I would weep all of a sudden for no seemingly calculable reason, and they would spitefully ask me what was wrong. I would just shrug or shake my head and keep quiet and go on crying. And yes for more than 3 years, I never fought back.

However, I can really say by now that I'm pretty lucky because I haven't ever tried getting spat on or physically taken advantage of. It totally sounds sad hearing the experiences of our fellow troubled Gothlings on the internet.

Worse cases like hate crimes are even sadder.

Ah, how melancholic indeed!

So I came up with sane tips for my fellow oppressed brothers and sisters out there, on what to do with these villainous demons, and how to be strong as we stand firm in being ourselves. Tell me if they worked or if they didn't.

ONE - Tell anyone: teachers, the principal, your parents, the guidance counselor, your friends, your siblings... anyone.

You can tell your troubles to them with matching sobs and tears just to let them know that you are REALLY offended and disturbed. All it takes is excessive and serious acting (I'm good at this) to carry them away with your emotions, so probably afterwards, they're gonna do something about it for you.

TWO - Fight back: raise your eyebrow hatefully, shout at them, threaten them, give them a witty reply, or also laugh at them if you can.


Most people say that the best thing to do with these shitheads is to ignore them, which is EXACTLY what I did while I was bullied, and right now, I'm regretting why I didn't even try fighting back. I realized that I SHOULD HAVE fought back. I feel defeated, cowardly, and weak. I hear from some friends that they still continue talking shit and spreading rumors about me even though we've moved to different schools already. Yes, I IGNORED THEM, but because of that, they even loved bullying me more because they know that I WON'T fight back anyway. See?

In this violent world we are in right now, being nice ALL THE TIME isn't gonna help you, honey. I'm sorry but if you won't fight back or defend yourself, you're the loser. You gotta show them that you're strong, or better yet, STRONGER because if you try getting the best of them even once, they're gonna have to think twice before they bully you next time.

THREE - Do NOT act weird just because you think Goths "have to be" quiet, old-fashioned, or scary. D:


NOOOOOOO, don't act like an idiot! Okay okay, I understand that if you're still new to all this Goth thing, you're gonna think that acting sinister, "deadly", mysterious, or odd would make you more "goth", but duh, NO. Lighten up, smile, be friendly and approachable, laugh to your heart's content, talk, be funny, make people like you! If one of them is gonna hiss this usual, ignorant question in your face: "Are you really Goth? Goths don't smile, and they aren't as friendly. Goths are usually quiet.", then why, amusingly tell them, "You COMPLETELY don't know what you're talking about!"

When I moved to this university to enter college, I started going with outspoken and loud gays, I shout with them for fun, I'm a renowned joker in class now, I model-pose to greet my gay and girl friends, and I try to be respected at all costs by doing well in academics! Sound like a good idea yet?

Being as happy or cheerful as this doesn't "subtract" any "Goth points", silly! xD

FOUR - Show them what you're good at.


Join poster making contests or poetry writing competitions, dance in a school program (!), act in the theatre, flaunt your skill in public speaking, play the instrument you're good at, or snag A's in exams! If they still walk up to you to criticize you because they got jealous, well! Read # 2 of this guide again!

FIVE - Be beautiful.


Just to let you know, Goth isn't about being "scary". Goth, aside from being a category in music and fashion, is also an aesthetic. It's about art and beauty in a dark manner. Show these ignorant people in school how dreamy and beautiful a Goth is by incorporating the usual trends in beauty these days with your everyday look, and arming yourself with unquestionable poise and wit. Besides, you may get uncontrollably wild and uber goth at the local goth club when the weekend comes.

Hope some, if not all, of these works! :/ Remember Gothlings, I'm rooting and praying for all of you out there, because I've been there and didn't come out so happy in the end, so I want YOU to be strong and successful in keeping the bullies away instead. Oh and here's one last great, inspirational tip to keep you going:

SIX - Do your very best to become successful in the future.


Now this is the only thing I've been holding on to during those years of being bullied unstoppably. I kept dreaming and imagining about my future: "I'm gonna be famous someday.. I'll write songs about bullying and I'll join the Anti-bullying campaign... During our class reunion in 20 years, I'll bring a limousine and two bodyguards with me, and I'll get out of the party early because I 'still have a concert'. But during the reunion I won't forget to ask my bullies sarcastically how life has been, while I smile like a winner."  Yeah! Stupid fantasies like those will surely push you to strive hard for your goals! It's gonna be like REVENGE in the form of SUCCESS. :p

Good luck and God bless, dears! :*

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Painting Post: "The Mystery Above The Lovely Hill"

I have a professional visual artist for an aunt. She paints or sketches on huge canvas usually displayed -- though the work was still unfinished -- in their living room or upstairs.

Her paintings can already be seen on postcards, galleries, or just framed on the walls of their house. She wasn't an inspiration, nohow, for I already started painting abstractly and sketching cartoons since I was three, and went on through the years. Nevertheless, she offered me lessons one summer, and I stayed with her for half a day in each session. I admit, I did not learn much, but yes, I improved, and I began to study her unfinished paintings when she was not around. She usually posts photographs on a corner of the canvas for references for her work, then she would just mix up all the bits she desires from each posted photograph to her very own masterpiece. Her works were mostly realistic, and each hid a meaning underneath.

I do not dream of becoming who she is right now though, I just wish I can be as good as her. Thus, aside from poems made by yours truly, I always have planned to post some of my artworks: be they paintings, sketches, doodles, portraits, or crafts. ^w^

However, don't expect much, as I am still a budding wannabe artist as of the moment, and I haven't really made time for visual arts because of school, literature, fashion, and music, although it was the first ability I had discovered in my whole life. ♥

Now, I did this with pastels of different brands, and I had too much of Edgar Allan Poe and Mary Shelley during the time I did this. :D It's not so breathtaking, but I say it's worth the try. :3

"The Mystery Above The Lovely Hill"

The hill was dotted with everything beyond everybody's definition of beauty: tulips bob their pink heads as the beautiful spring breeze walk them by, and the wide array of crocuses dance along to the silent song of a large, enchanting butterfly. Families of purple, blue, and indigo help in the impression of a viewer with glee. The flowers grow in line with their kind: a picturesque beauty offered by the hill with pride. However, behind their smiles and magical qualities, lie terror and fear for a distraction that had lived long before they even bore their petals: something sinister, very disturbing; and for some particular reasons, the whole gray structure remained unperturbed.

Poem Post: "Dear Sir"

Warning: Lengthy poem! XD

Here's another poem I just composed this dawn, out of anger and uncontrollable rage that I had to tame and contain within. It's a work with an obvious meaning, not so creative, yet full of passionate wrath that is gradually and evenly released from the heart.

The reason behind this composition needs not be told, for it is clearly stated and neatly elaborated in many of its lines, so without further ado, here is another creation, fresh and new like this morning's rain-kissed dew. ♥

Dear Sir


Dear Sir, dear sir:
Shall I kill you now, dear Sir?
Or just watch you die, dear Sir?
For waiting here further and further
might just whirl my decisions astir.

Dear Sir, dear Sir!
How beautiful you doth look like now, dear Sir!
Afraid to die, are we, dear Sir?
Of being beaten or bruised more, dear Sir?
Now wincing in pain, are you, brother?

Oh, but before I do proceed,
would you like a cup of tea?
I shall now prepare some with glee,
as I recall aloud how I have suffered under thee.

Footsteps of dirt, actions since birth:
both beheld from our heartless, old man;
whose else is it, but our father, dear Sir?
A hideous model of absurdity,
a ruthless scoundrel of ambiguity;
a ruffian, a misfit;
a brute, and a savage of numbness;
like mud, he is abhorrent, vague;
however, we wretches, from him were made.

O, how we despised him, dear Sir!
Were we not manipulated, it felt like murder?
Occasionally in a fit of whipping, were we not, dear Sir?
We feared him, discerned him a monster
that owned claws which kept us with his greedy power;
we thrived in meager amounts of love and sincere shelter.

All our years brought us forlorn,
of madness in longing to fly out and soar
while his eyes not fixed on us for a scene of gore,
we rambled in and rambled out
to relish the wondrous beauty we were to live without.
We try a minute or maybe two
to disguise misdeeds we rarely do --

Oh! How dare! Thou but decline my offer of tea?
How about I pour this hot all over thee?
There! How does thine refusal serve thee?
Hush, the sting shan't be for long;
you'll stop breathing before I finish one song.

So where was I, dear Sir, dear Sir?
Have I gone through the things we never
did while he trots about? Ah yes, hear ye:
we grew our separate, silent ways
as you grew colder and far away,
you were prone to his fits of ballistic impulses
to threaten you of riddance those days.

Dear Sir, dear Sir!
I do pity you, dear Sir!
How did it come to your senses,
to follow his example of heartlessness,
and betray me to your heart's content;
caring less of your own growing contempt
of me who had rooted for you bravery,
your soul, and our trampling down of misery?

Had you been less foolish enough,
to follow such unreasonable stupidity,
to make me lose my wits,
my mind, my dignity --
had you not chosen to underestimate me,
to make me succumb unwillingly
to your unruly manifestations of distaste
to me: a poor, young, former crony --
I would not have today done this to thee.

Dear Sir, dear Sir,
why did you choose to humiliate me dear Sir?
Am I such a lowly slut of a sister?
A dumb, pea-brained witch, that you see an idiot of a miser?
Since when did I do you wrong, dear Sir?
Since when did I deserve your overpowering, dear Sir?

Who are you to crush me to the ground, dear Sir?
Why are you resembling the enemy, dear Sir?
Was it fun to berate me, dear Sir --
to yell at me, to mortify me?

Ah yes, I am sorry wicked wretch,
for it is all too late for you to answer:
your explanations, I shan't fetch,
your pathetic apology, Sir,
is now too unacceptable a compensation.
Thus, thou must get ready for a brutal abomination!

Ah, I finished my tea, dear Sir!
I see you've also finished yelping, dear Sir?
How was the hot bath of tea just now, dear Sir?
Swore to silence now, eh, dear Sir?
Or swore to stop breathing forever?

Dear Sir? Dear Sir?
I see you're cold now, dear Sir!
I shall now wrap you with my prepared linens
-- of fresh cottony texture whose deadly color with luminescence
come from hazy fields of where I know not --
to help you be at ease
on your next journey to an intense,
immortally burning, fearful, sulfuric furnace. 

Please credit me, by the way, if you wanna copy all or a part of the poem. Thanks. :3

P.S. : NO, I did not murder him! xD Let's just call this poem a product of murderous loathing; it is highly hyperbolic, and is not to be taken and believed literally. :3

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Poem Post: "Blissful Suffering"

I haven't posted much lately.

Well, all you guys need to know is that 1) I've been reading a wide range of literature -- mostly Gothic ones -- and the biographies of the authors of each literary work I read (this is mostly because I'm a Literature major, and my professors are great literary geeks like me which is great); 2) I haven't been going out much, since I ran out of brilliant alibis to creatively disguise all my gallivanting; 3) mom took away the old, unused camera, and my OOTD photographer which is my sister had been admitted to the hospital because of an ovarian cyst O.o (good heavens, she's well) that's why I haven't been able to post OOTDs; 4) my family indeed is a great hindrance :/ ; and 5) I haven't had anything new and interesting to show or write about...

... that's why I'm gonna post another one of my poems here to break the silence of this blog. :D

Okay so, this poem was written when I had problems with my "Traumatic Desires" friends, with my family, about being bullied, and when I had absolutely no one to run to but a pen and a paper. I wrote this 3 years ago, though, so yeah, I was still new to the whole puberty thingy and maybe -- just maybe -- I didn't get what everything was about back then. All that "the-whole-world-is-against-me feeling" was entirely overwhelming indeed. Now that I look back, I seem to see my past self as a masochistic individual: I loved pain; I chose pain; and I wanted to receive pain; all because pain was my only companion those days.
Of course, I didn't want it all at first, but soon, and gradually, it was all that I knew, hence it became a great part of me; to the extent that I made it a friend -- a friend that never leaves; a friend that ironically gives me gifts each day. To think that I already attempted suicide when I was 10, and each day seemed a burden, reasonably made me resort to all these serious, stupid, childish thoughts those days.

Oh well! I've gotten over all that anyway! I'm a happy kid right now, and I try to be easy-going and happy-go-lucky every now and then; I tend to stop taking things seriously and go with the flow. However, I refuse to forget all the beautiful things I produced from my past sufferings, and yes, I'm willing to share these to everyone! ^w^

Blissful Suffering

YES, YES, it came to a point when I started hearing voices and
feeling imaginary touches -- all because of my loneliness and hopelessness.

A cold eventide zephyr seeps
Like a swerving soul writhes past
Under the blackest night sky
This soothing eerie agony is sure to last.

I grimly write with silent screams
For I cannot hide this chaos no more;
Feeding this leechy creature is useless.
I am being consumed into the void,
Smothering sharp claws of hatred pierce me
Though this state is unexplainably blissful
My dark heart is still crunched by 
the nothingness of the weak.

Why am I taken to this pit?
Condemned of nothing I committed?
My soul’s death awaits;
I am devoured, glum, and clouded

I extremely deny of deserving all this dolor,
But I somehow wished of such sadism;
Thus my veins carry of stagnant blood:
Confused to boil or to give in.
Is this my end, Sir? 
or shall I choose to carry on?

Please credit me, by the way, if you wanna copy all or a part of the poem. Thanks. :3
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