Sunday, August 25, 2013

Hilarious Epitaphs!

An epitaph is a short text honoring a deceased person, strictly speaking that is inscribed on their tombstone or plaque, but also used figuratively. Some are specified by the dead person beforehand, others chosen by those responsible for the burial. Wikipedia

Love dark humor? Here are some of the funniest epitaphs engraved on real tombstones. Have fun reading!

Here lies my wife, 
Here lies she; 
In a Leeds graveyard [1861]

"I told you I was sick!"
In a Georgia cemetery 

The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery

Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.
Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery 

Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery 

I was somebody.
Who, is no business
Of yours.
Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont 

Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont 

Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest man.
And that is Strange.
A lawyer’s tombstone in England 

Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising
In Ruidoso, New Mexico 

 Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann
Dec. 8, 1767 
In a London, England cemetery

Reader if cash thou art
In want of any
Dig 4 feet deep
And thou wilt find a Penny.
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery 

Gone away Owin' more
Than he could pay
Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England 

Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up And no place to go.
In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery 

She always said her feet were killing her
but nobody believed her.
On Margaret Daniel's grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia

On the 22nd of June
- Jonathan Fiddle -
Went out of tune.
In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England

Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903 - Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down. 
It was.

The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumer tip:
Who was fatally burned
March 21, 1870
by the explosion of a lamp
filled with "R.E. Danforth's
Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good Die Young.

A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:
Sacred to the memory of
my husband John Barnes
who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow, aged 23, has many
qualifications of a good wife, and yearns to be comforted.

I've finally stopped getting dumber.
— Paul ErdÅ‘s

If anyone at my funeral has a long face, I'll never speak to him again.
— Stan Laurel

I am ready to meet my Maker.
Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
— Winston Churchill

"Curiosity did not kill this cat."
Studs Terkel 

"I told you so, you damned fools."
H. G. Wells 

That's all folks.
— Mel Blanc

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